A Beautiful Beginning to Shattered Dreams

First, I would like to say thank you to everyone who reads my blog. I know I have not been that great at keeping it updated. Nevertheless, I am grateful to have such beautiful friends care enough to read and wonder. Thank you to all my sister SM's and IP's. I respect and commend every step of your journey. Even though our worlds may be miles apart or our journeys in different stages it is so comforting when support is need and received. We are all part of this community for our own reasons and needs and sometimes we may differ with opinions but in the end the unity is what matters.
I want to share that I have had such a dream for nine years now but I wanted to make sure my husband and I were done having our children. During the pregnancy of my fourth and last daughter, I decided this was the time to start my journey. I researched even more than what I knew and made wise and conscience decisions. I was matched just weeks after delivering my daughter and I knew this couple was a right match. Everything I wanted was presented. (Please know this isn’t always the situation). We had three unsuccessful transfers within our 9 month period of being matched. I felt so sad on top of other emotions because all I wanted was to make their dreams come true. I learned more that it was a male factor and couldn’t of been prevented.
Not long after my IP's and I decided to break apart I answered an ad that I had actually seen a few months prior during a period I thought was over for me. Here this ad appeared AGAIN like it was meant for me to answer. I took that leap and my intuition was just as I felt. These IP's were going to be my IP's and I was going to prove to everyone that we would prevail in the end with beautiful, healthy, and thriving babies.
In December of 2008 I had a transfer with my new IP's. I was so excited yet so guarded too. I didn’t want to get too excited because I had already been through so much with failed transfers. But this time I was working with a renowned RE that I knew I would be pregnant. But in fact we had a failed transfer. How could this be possible again but with different IP's. I wanted to give up. The RE wasn’t too sure at this point BUT my IP's believed in ME!!! I set a goal to lose another 30 lbs in a specific timeframe. Just months prior I had lost 20 lbs. My body had went through so many injections, weight gain, and not to mention I started cycling three month post partum. So you could only imagine the shock my body had probably been through because I still had pregnancy hormones and then I continued to inject and consume more and more hormones, the end result was excessive weight.
I lost my 30 lbs and felt so refreshed and came down to a BMI that was below the Dr.'s recommendation. I was so proud and so determined that this was going to work. My IP's found a new ED and we did another transfer. It was so perfect and beautiful. At 3.5 days I got my first positive on an OSOM. I was beyond ecstatic. It was a feeling I can’t even put into words. Then we had our sonogram and we had two little beans but only one continued to thrive. Everything was so perfect.
Week after week went by and baby T grew and grew and I knew he was going to be a fighter. He was so beautiful on the sonograms and my heart melted for him. Then the inevitable happened. My water broke spontaneously a week ago today. Without any inclination, I went into preterm labor at 22 w3days. My beautiful and fragile surroson was born on Sat Nov 14th. He was sleeping when he made his presence but I will never forget how beautiful and peaceful he was.
I want everyone to know that we as surrogates have a desire and that is to bring happiness to others. I have zero regrets even though we have had to endure the unthinkable. If given the opportunity I would give all of me all over again.
Thank you to everyone who reads my story. I am here if you want or need to talk. This is the part of surrogacy that isn’t relatively spoke about but remember its reality and it can happen. Please know it’s out of our hands and God (if you believe) has other plans.
All my love.

15 weeks already

Wow how time has already flew by. I have been very busy with life, children, school, our exchange student, and so on. Not to mention being sick (flu like) for the past few weeks. Last week I got the sweetest email and beautiful flowers from my IP's. This reassured me even more that I have done something remarkable and know one can steal that feeling. I truly feel blessed. With that I am 15 weeks and one day to be precise. Love how time is flying and I cant wait to meet this little boy.

In a Nutshell

Well since my last post so much has happened. We had two girls from Barcelona (Spain) area. That was an interesting few weeks. Then my kiddos were here and there with friends and family enjoying their summer vacation. We had lots of fun moments and tasty BBQ's with our neighbors. Talk about loving to eat all the yummy food!!!!

But the most fantastic news is the blessing of a new little boy for my IP's. I have so much joy and happiness in my heart for them and hope we have the best 9 months of pregnancy. So far everything is perfect. NO morning sickness, a little weight gain (I blame ALL the meds), and no more shots woohoo!!! I am feeling fabulous and life is great. Here is a picture at 10 weeks. Can we say belly already!!

We have a new exchange student from Germany that will be staying with us for two months and B starts back to school next week. The girls B&B will have their birthdays soon (16 & 2). Amazing!!! Where does the time go??

Its Been A LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Time!!!

First I want to apologize to all of those for not updating my blog. We have been consumed with so much going on.
Here it goes... Kids are out for the summer. Ohhh fun!! Lets say drive me crazy but that's the fun part of being a parent. We've been kicking up the BBQ's and court GTG's. I love my neighbors so much. Talk about the best people you could have as neighbors. I am sad that our long time neighbor C&W moved but hopefully we can visit them soon.
This week we will be hosting our first ever exchange student. She will be with us for a week. We are actually just a temporary home while her host family is on vacation. But in August out exchange student arrives from Germany. He is staying 10 months and will be attending high school with B. She is excited to have a "bigger brother" well not much older' maybe 6 months.
So for my final update. I have been a little secretive because I have had so many disappointments. Last Sunday, I transferred two perfect boy blasts. Ant and I stayed away for a few days and my IP's were just so sweet. At 4dp I started getting lines on an OSOM and I got a faint line on a FRER as well. Three days later, my control lines are dark, dark, dark. I am confidant to say we are preggo. I have my betas this week on the 8th and 10th. I will be updating my blog so be on the lookout...

Grandma's Funeral

As we all know funerals are painful, hard, and most definitely sad. Today was no different but it was even more hard then some considering the circumstances of her death. Grandma is home now and no longer in pain. Her memory will live on but we will never forget how her tragic departure will continue to haunt us. I hope the pastor is correct when he spoke about her being in a safe, happy place (her FINAL destination in life). With that please hold and love your family everyday. We never know when its our turn to leave this earth and arrive at our FINAL destination.

Here are some pictures of my beautiful family (my parents, children(2 of them) and my cousin).

Over the Weekend

Since our horrible week we had with the tragic death of our grandma we were still able to have a little bit of comfort and joy. My cuz's little buy turned 5 this weekend and it was nice just to get away. The kids had a blast on the water slides and it was nice just to visit like old times. I miss my cousin alot and love her dearly. Now we just need to get past this week and let time and GOD heal our hearts.

My Mom's Birthday & Mothers Day

So we celebrated my moms birthday and Mothers Day last weekend in one. We had a nice BBQ and I got my mom the cutest turtle cake. See she has a tortoise in her back yard. We took lots and lots of pictures and had a really relaxing evening. Thank goodness for mommies.

The n on Mothers day we just relaxed went to the park, ate pizza, and let the kids have some summer fun...