Mom~Wife~Friend~&~Surro

An Amazing Day

2009-12-11T21:54:00.000-08:00

Today was an amazing day despite it was also four weeks ago today that my surroson would soon make his unforgettable and heart wrenching entrance into this big world.
It started with a motivating and touching parents meetings for my preschooler. Sometimes I don't think as parents we realize how insensitive we are to our children's needs. Like when they want to show or tell you something at that vary moment but well convey to wait a minute/second. Then they feel the agitation and disconnection from you and begin to act out. I know I am faulty in this area and I will work on improving this.
After his meeting we came home and my handsome husband drives up behind me. He had worked a few hours and then attended his Christmas luncheon with his fellow employees. He tells me to come there and starts handing me 100.00 bills. I was flabbergasted and asked him if he had won. He expressed that he won the last raffle prize of 1000.00. The generous person he is gave 100.00 to each of his commuter friends which was three of them. Then he came home and gave his dad 100.00 to go buy stuff for Tamales, then he took me out to Red Lobster and I actually had a drink. The first in years but it was so fruity it was like an icee. Then he picked my lobster from the tank and even cracked all the shells when it arrived. Afterwards, we left and bought Bella's Santa gift and then we went to Michael's and he purchased our oldest the Wilton's professional decorating kit which was close to 200.00.
He was so spirited, proud, and over joyed. He loved sharing what he had won with others and I truly believe his generosity paid off without him even knowing. Oh and he is giving me the day off tomorrow to relax and get my nails done. He is making tamales with his family and I get me time.
Not to mention I got some confidence back in myself today after receiving exciting and uplifting news. I am praying and hoping for a better 2010.

Four Weeks Today

2009-12-11T05:34:00.000-08:00

I am amazed that its already been four weeks today that my life altering incident occurred. I have poured so much into surrogacy over the last few years for it to be abruptly halted like this.
I miss the feeling of being pregnant and having a beautiful life grow and flourish inside of me. My children (the younger ones) are constantly trying to figure out how T was born and where he is. My youngest speaks to his picture almost daily and tells me "shh baby sleeping, baby has ouchie", how innocent our little ones hearts and minds are. She constantly sits on my lap and pats my tummy and tells me baby sleeping, an evening routine we have together. We still have the evening routine but now I have to emphasize baby is in heaven.
Candidly, with these life events there are also lessons to be learned. I know I would never subject myself to a dual journey again. For some it may be the only way but I have so many regrets after this has occurred. Furthermore, I think trust is extremely important but remember that trust and respect can be masked in the end. Don't ever let your guard down especially in a surrogacy situation.
Even though my hopes and dreams have crumbled I will cross the bridge again. I will jump back into the saddle and experience happiness again.

Blessings and love to all.

Will Any of this Ever Make Sense?

2009-12-07T11:04:00.000-08:00

Will any of this ever make sense? The past three and a half weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions. With the sudden loss and passing of Timmy has sent me into a whirlwind of emotions, confusion, and wondering. I wish I had the answers to make my heart and mind at ease. I wish I didn't have to sit her and blog about the unthinkable that has happened and blog about the passing weeks and the upcoming birth of my surroson. But instead we are all left with unanswered questions.
We are all shocked that nearly two and a half weeks after I delivered Timmy my IP's other surrogate delivered the twins at 25 weeks without any inclination.
Is this a coincidence that two surrogates with previous uncomplicated deliveries, both healthy, both living within minutes of each other, both transferred with the same RE within minutes of each other, both transferred boy embryos from the same batch of embryos would both deliver spontaneously within 2 1/2 weeks at the same hospital. Accept for my surro son wouldn't have a chance because the doctors wouldn't try to save him and the boys are in critical but stable condition. More so, Timmy had a heart defect that some may present as not an issue here but the more I research the more I cant believe this wasn't an issue. Depending on the severity babies pass from this defect but some can survive with treatments such as heart surgery, shunts, medications, etc.
I know I may fully never know why all this happened and perhaps the only person who knows is God himself. And maybe he knew what was about to happen and instead made Timmy's pain at ease instead of prolonging his condition but I wish I could ask.
I also know I still want to be a surrogate in time but feel that may not be a reality. All of this has been so much to wrap our minds around but I can’t help but feel that I don’t want this to be the end. I don’t want to walk away from what I have believed in for so many years, I don’t want to give up on my passion and desire to help others, I don’t want to let my fears overcast my ability to move on, and most of all I don’t want to be rejected.
My biggest fear is being rejected now because of the events that have transpired. I have spoke to and emailed professionals and it seems I have a good chance to be a surrogate again but I still need IP's to believe in me.
With that I know we as surrogates have a strong desire to fulfill and create blessings for others. Just know we are human and something are left out of our hands and in the hands of a higher power.
My blessings to all...

A Beautiful Beginning to Shattered Dreams

2009-11-24T08:41:00.000-08:00

First, I would like to say thank you to everyone who reads my blog. I know I have not been that great at keeping it updated. Nevertheless, I am grateful to have such beautiful friends care enough to read and wonder. Thank you to all my sister SM's and IP's. I respect and commend every step of your journey. Even though our worlds may be miles apart or our journeys in different stages it is so comforting when support is need and received. We are all part of this community for our own reasons and needs and sometimes we may differ with opinions but in the end the unity is what matters.
I want to share that I have had such a dream for nine years now but I wanted to make sure my husband and I were done having our children. During the pregnancy of my fourth and last daughter, I decided this was the time to start my journey. I researched even more than what I knew and made wise and conscience decisions. I was matched just weeks after delivering my daughter and I knew this couple was a right match. Everything I wanted was presented. (Please know this isn’t always the situation). We had three unsuccessful transfers within our 9 month period of being matched. I felt so sad on top of other emotions because all I wanted was to make their dreams come true. I learned more that it was a male factor and couldn’t of been prevented.
Not long after my IP's and I decided to break apart I answered an ad that I had actually seen a few months prior during a period I thought was over for me. Here this ad appeared AGAIN like it was meant for me to answer. I took that leap and my intuition was just as I felt. These IP's were going to be my IP's and I was going to prove to everyone that we would prevail in the end with beautiful, healthy, and thriving babies.
In December of 2008 I had a transfer with my new IP's. I was so excited yet so guarded too. I didn’t want to get too excited because I had already been through so much with failed transfers. But this time I was working with a renowned RE that I knew I would be pregnant. But in fact we had a failed transfer. How could this be possible again but with different IP's. I wanted to give up. The RE wasn’t too sure at this point BUT my IP's believed in ME!!! I set a goal to lose another 30 lbs in a specific timeframe. Just months prior I had lost 20 lbs. My body had went through so many injections, weight gain, and not to mention I started cycling three month post partum. So you could only imagine the shock my body had probably been through because I still had pregnancy hormones and then I continued to inject and consume more and more hormones, the end result was excessive weight.
I lost my 30 lbs and felt so refreshed and came down to a BMI that was below the Dr.'s recommendation. I was so proud and so determined that this was going to work. My IP's found a new ED and we did another transfer. It was so perfect and beautiful. At 3.5 days I got my first positive on an OSOM. I was beyond ecstatic. It was a feeling I can’t even put into words. Then we had our sonogram and we had two little beans but only one continued to thrive. Everything was so perfect.
Week after week went by and baby T grew and grew and I knew he was going to be a fighter. He was so beautiful on the sonograms and my heart melted for him. Then the inevitable happened. My water broke spontaneously a week ago today. Without any inclination, I went into preterm labor at 22 w3days. My beautiful and fragile surroson was born on Sat Nov 14th. He was sleeping when he made his presence but I will never forget how beautiful and peaceful he was.
I want everyone to know that we as surrogates have a desire and that is to bring happiness to others. I have zero regrets even though we have had to endure the unthinkable. If given the opportunity I would give all of me all over again.
Thank you to everyone who reads my story. I am here if you want or need to talk. This is the part of surrogacy that isn’t relatively spoke about but remember its reality and it can happen. Please know it’s out of our hands and God (if you believe) has other plans.
All my love.

15 weeks already

2009-09-23T10:12:00.003-07:00

Wow how time has already flew by. I have been very busy with life, children, school, our exchange student, and so on. Not to mention being sick (flu like) for the past few weeks. Last week I got the sweetest email and beautiful flowers from my IP's. This reassured me even more that I have done something remarkable and know one can steal that feeling. I truly feel blessed. With that I am 15 weeks and one day to be precise. Love how time is flying and I cant wait to meet this little boy.

In a Nutshell

2009-08-19T20:44:00.000-07:00

Well since my last post so much has happened. We had two girls from Barcelona (Spain) area. That was an interesting few weeks. Then my kiddos were here and there with friends and family enjoying their summer vacation. We had lots of fun moments and tasty BBQ's with our neighbors. Talk about loving to eat all the yummy food!!!!

But the most fantastic news is the blessing of a new little boy for my IP's. I have so much joy and happiness in my heart for them and hope we have the best 9 months of pregnancy. So far everything is perfect. NO morning sickness, a little weight gain (I blame ALL the meds), and no more shots woohoo!!! I am feeling fabulous and life is great. Here is a picture at 10 weeks. Can we say belly already!!

We have a new exchange student from Germany that will be staying with us for two months and B starts back to school next week. The girls B&B will have their birthdays soon (16 & 2). Amazing!!! Where does the time go??

Its Been A LONGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Time!!!

2009-07-05T19:35:00.000-07:00

First I want to apologize to all of those for not updating my blog. We have been consumed with so much going on.
Here it goes... Kids are out for the summer. Ohhh fun!! Lets say drive me crazy but that's the fun part of being a parent. We've been kicking up the BBQ's and court GTG's. I love my neighbors so much. Talk about the best people you could have as neighbors. I am sad that our long time neighbor C&W moved but hopefully we can visit them soon.
This week we will be hosting our first ever exchange student. She will be with us for a week. We are actually just a temporary home while her host family is on vacation. But in August out exchange student arrives from Germany. He is staying 10 months and will be attending high school with B. She is excited to have a "bigger brother" well not much older' maybe 6 months.
So for my final update. I have been a little secretive because I have had so many disappointments. Last Sunday, I transferred two perfect boy blasts. Ant and I stayed away for a few days and my IP's were just so sweet. At 4dp I started getting lines on an OSOM and I got a faint line on a FRER as well. Three days later, my control lines are dark, dark, dark. I am confidant to say we are preggo. I have my betas this week on the 8th and 10th. I will be updating my blog so be on the lookout...

Grandma's Funeral

2009-05-20T18:30:00.000-07:00

As we all know funerals are painful, hard, and most definitely sad. Today was no different but it was even more hard then some considering the circumstances of her death. Grandma is home now and no longer in pain. Her memory will live on but we will never forget how her tragic departure will continue to haunt us. I hope the pastor is correct when he spoke about her being in a safe, happy place (her FINAL destination in life). With that please hold and love your family everyday. We never know when its our turn to leave this earth and arrive at our FINAL destination.

Here are some pictures of my beautiful family (my parents, children(2 of them) and my cousin).

Over the Weekend

2009-05-18T15:49:00.000-07:00

Since our horrible week we had with the tragic death of our grandma we were still able to have a little bit of comfort and joy. My cuz's little buy turned 5 this weekend and it was nice just to get away. The kids had a blast on the water slides and it was nice just to visit like old times. I miss my cousin alot and love her dearly. Now we just need to get past this week and let time and GOD heal our hearts.

My Mom's Birthday & Mothers Day

2009-05-18T15:23:00.001-07:00

So we celebrated my moms birthday and Mothers Day last weekend in one. We had a nice BBQ and I got my mom the cutest turtle cake. See she has a tortoise in her back yard. We took lots and lots of pictures and had a really relaxing evening. Thank goodness for mommies.

The n on Mothers day we just relaxed went to the park, ate pizza, and let the kids have some summer fun...

A Beautiful Day

2009-04-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

For the last few days our weather has been in the high 90's. We went from rain, to wind, to hot weather. Sadly we didn't have a Spring. But I am hoping that will change and we will get a bit of Spring weather. I can say yesterday my old man boxer Sam had a heat stroke which turned into a seizure and I am very sad for him. Unfortunately, my boxers don't like to be confined to the indoors from being abused as youngsters. They are both rescue boxers and don't like the indoors at all. So this is making it very hard for us to monitor them. I have been keeping them cool by constantly hosing them off with cool water and providing fresh cold water every few hours. In addition, we are hooking up a mister for them to stay cool and I have bought a little kids pool for them. I am hoping he can make it through this heat.
This morning, I decided to take a few pics of the kids outdoors. The backyard is finally coming together and I can't wait for the finished product. It all takes time and we are diligently working at it day by day.
Bella is merely impossible to take a decent picture of. She refuses to smile and listen. I think this really puts it into perspective that its not worth me paying a professional photographer to take family pictures because she will not cooperate. Well here are my amateur photos of the two. Oh and I just love the hello kitty boutique outfit.

Easter Day

2009-04-12T21:39:00.000-07:00

Today was a beautiful Easter Day. It started off waking up at 6:30 am and getting the kids baskets into their new playhouse Ants been putting together. Talk about pretty difficult to keep the kids out of the backyard the last two days. Then I started getting ready because I wanted to go to breakfast and be back to cook for our guests.
While I was searching for some hair bows this morning Bella pushed me back and I felt this burning sensation from my knee cap to my upper thigh. Needless to say I have screwed up my leg something bad. Its not a nice one. After breakfast we arrived back home to sleeping beauty. Of course she didn't go with us to breakfast because she needs her beauty sleep so she can spend two hours in the bathroom getting her hair and makeup done. At this point I took a little medicine and went to sleep. My leg was just not cooperating. I awoke to our guests and I was frantic because I had not prepared everything. I got up and started in cooking, and preparing the feast. BUt my hubby was on the ball (I will give him some props). My parents arrived and I also reminded my sweet neighbors to come over. Then my FIL arrived and it was time to eat. Dinner was quite nice and the children enjoyed the play house.
When it was all over with Sky left with our friends for three days, Isaiah and Bianca left with grandpa for the night, and then my parents left well with just food. So we finished cleaning up the house. That's a must and put Bella to bed. Now I am catching up for the day.
Tomorrow we are off to have Bella's consultation with the E.N.T to have tubes put in real soon. Here are some darling pics of the kids and family.

Tentative Dates

2009-03-31T22:04:00.001-07:00

Well I got my tentative dates for our next transfer. I am so excited and scared at the same time. I hope this time is our time otherwise I don't know where my path will lead. I have been doing great with my weight loss and I hope to lose another 10lbs by our May transfer.
On another note my B left today for Ashland Oregon on a school drama trip. Let me brag that girl is a great performer. I was nervous and scared to let her travel but she is growing up so fast and enjoying the last two years of high school. She will be sweet 16 in a few months. Boy how time fly's. When she returns home she will embark upon her next chapter in life "drivers training" watch out Central Valley B is coming.
My cuz is doing a little better. She needs to be strong enough to have this surgery to help her regain her life back again. Many prayers are appreciated. With that I am off to bed...

Many Many Prayers

2009-03-24T19:26:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just sit and wonder why the good have to suffer and endure a devastating ailment while others who could care less about their self let alone life take things for granted.
I am so sad. I haven't ever posted about this let alone told anyone but I wish I could take the pain, feeling, hurt, and sadness away from my beautiful cousin.
About three and a half years ago my cousin became very sick with her second pregnancy. She was so sick that a PICC line was inserted into her arm to provide nutrients to her and her baby. Twice a day for most of her pregnancy a nurse came to her home to change the bag and this basically provide food to my cousin and her baby.
Fast forward almost four years later and my cousin is still sick. At first they thought it was just the pregnancy but that was just the beginning. Unfortunately, my cousin lives in a relatively small rural town where the hospital in not big on technology but just the basics. My cousins health has progressively gotten worse over the last few years and she has become a live in live out resident. She is in the hospital more than she is in her own home. Her life has succumbed to living in a hospital bed and not being able to keep food down. Her beauty is fading and her inner strength and her self perseverance is staring to diminish. Her condition is deteriorating her entire body and those beautiful big eyes, long curled eyelashes, and long gorgeous hair with pale luminous skin is not so more...
What is this condition you may ask? Well just until a couple of months ago we didn't even know because like I mentioned her hospital isn't on the top of the favorites. It wasn't until a professor at UCSF reviewed my cousins records did we have an instant answer. All this waisted yet valuable time has been lost and this is time that we cant get back and make her better. She is slowly dying and she is too young and a mommy to two handsome boys and also a wife. She is my baby cousin who I watched grow into a beautiful lady over the years and who mimicked me as she grew up.
The condition is gastroparesis. Its unknown why she has it because she doesn't fit into any of the reasons why so that remains a mystery. However, we do know that 90% of her stomach doesn't work therefore, she isn't getting in nutrients to her body. She is slowly suffering and is in great need of surgery. But the surgery cannot be performed because her body is too weak and cant sustain the surgery. Tonight she lays in the hospital with a feeding tube inserted specifically into the nose and passed down the throat and through the esophagus which will end in the small intestines. Through all this she is a trooper but her modesty kicks in and she is a bit embarrassed that she has to be seen like this. She will leave the hospital with this as soon as she is strong enough. This will stay in place until her body can regain nutrients so its strong enough for surgery.
With this I am very saddened that my beautiful cousin is enduring such tremendous suffering and pain. She is so strong and so brave. I just wish I could hug her right now. Please any prayers are needed to help us right now...

Life Throws Us Many Curve Balls

2009-03-20T06:37:00.000-07:00

Do you ever just wonder when you can finally breathe a sigh of relief. Like when your life will just slow down some..... Well that's what I have been wondering since that first week of February. To be more precise the Super Bowl weekend. Since that weekend my life(children, husband, home, my body, and my outside family) has just erupted from one situation to another. Talk about chaos.... As you can see its been a while since I have updated. I am finally finding about 10 minutes to sit here before my morning routine kicks in to update my blog.

I cant even explain or partially fathom all the chaos that we/I have endured but I think its finally subsiding some and I can take a look back and say "Wow" you are ONE STRONG POWERFUL WOMAN WHO DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE!!!! Men are wonderful but I have to say they just don't seem to get it (if you know what I mean) all the time. Alot of things can just roll right off their shoulder. I don't know how but it does. So if you got the answer please share it....

Without going into much private details about everything I just want to say be happy, love those close to us, and treasure those afar. Live each day for what you have and tell your children and hubby or s/o that they mean so much... And just remember that children are a gift but those gifts have flaws and struggles. But its okay because everyone is imperfect and that's why we are who we are and so unique in our own ways.

With that I have lost 22 lbs and feel great. I feel SEXY... Just kidding but it is funny how people (my lady neighbors who I LOVE) comment on how great I look besides my loved ones too. And I had a complete physical and lab work that came back PERFECTO!!! I am in AWESOME health. Now if I could only achieve one more wish and that is to be pregoo in May for my IP's...

Down 14Lbs.

2009-02-26T13:39:00.000-08:00

Well I have lost 14lbs since starting my diet a month ago. I can totally see a difference and feel a lot better about myself. I am on a mission to lose another 20lbs and perhaps more after that. But for now I would be happy with losing another 20lbs. Life's been hectic lately and I have had appointments after appointments to attend to. Its never ending when you have 4 children and their all in different stages of their lives.
Besides my weight loss I really don't have much to say. We are hoping for a late April early May transfer. Hoping my body will cooperate this time and we will be preggo.

2009-02-22T21:29:00.000-08:00

Well another week and weekend came and went. I cant believe we are already heading into the month of March.

This was one of those weekends that I am glad is gone. I just did so much and rested so little. Last night I had a night out with my husband, parents, and a few neighbors. We attended a great crab feed supporting our daughters after school program.

Tomorrow I am off to the doctors to see how much weight I have lost. Hopefully enough to satisfy the RE for our next transfer. I am hoping by transfer to be down another 10-15lbs. Kids are doing good with the exception of attitudes. Otherwise, I am ready to start a whole new week. Here is a picture of us last night before the crab feed with my new hair do.

11 Lbs Lost

2009-02-14T10:17:00.000-08:00

Well I have shed a few more pounds since I last posted. I have actually fluctuated because I lost a few pounds more but cheated a bit. Hubby took me to my favorite place to have clam chowder bread bowl and of course that is soooooooooooooo bad for you. Over all, I am doing quite well for losing 11 lbs in 3 1/2 weeks. I am starting to notice a difference in my clothes and appearance too. Here are a few pictures taken yesterday and I am starting to see a difference in my face as well.

With that Happy Valentines Day!!!

8 Lbs Lost

2009-02-06T18:01:00.000-08:00

Wow all I can say is I have lost 8 lbs in the last few weeks and feel great about it but wish it was more. I know I need to be happy with my first accomplishment of losing the 8lbs. Its all about the baby steps and not making a huge expectation and then failing. I have been trying REALLY REALLY hard to watch my calorie intake (800-1000 calories per day) and 2 miles a day on the treadmill. Oh and lots and lots of water!!!
My honey is like wow I can tell a big difference already but I guess I don't see the difference except the numbers on the scale are changing. So for now that's my news.
I am hoping to drop at least 30lbs and be ready for our next transfer either late March early April.

The BIG 4

2009-01-29T12:55:00.001-08:00

Well yesterday officially marked my son my ONLY sons 4th birthday. We did a traditional birthday party at home with the neighbors and their children, about 25 of us. Of course my parents were there too. Isaiah had a lot of fun and Bella loved the pizza and cake.

Sometimes its hard to believe that in the four years that we have been blessed with our son, I had another baby, started college and finished with a BS, quit an awesome corporation, and went to work for the court, and left the court to be a SAHM.

I miss working and interacting with adults but I am so blessed to be home with my 4 beautiful children.

Sad Day

2009-01-27T20:23:00.000-08:00

Well today has been a whirl wind of emotions for me. Yesterday I got this beautiful email that was a shock because just about a week ago I got an email saying it couldn't happen. So without divulging alot of info the email I received yesterday was perfect accept for one thing. This one thing lies in my hands completely. This one thing is a HUGE deal breaker and that thing is my weight.
How ironic that yesterday I made an appointment to meet with the diet doctor to help boost my metabolism and help me work on a better plan. I know I can lose the weight because I just lost over 20lbs a few months ago. I have seemed to reach a plateau and cant lose again. So I got my vitamin B12 shot to help boost my metabolism and set an ideal weight goal to be at in a few months. I don't want to lose too rapid but I want to lose at a steady pace. More so, I am working out daily and trying really hard to watch my intake. Its not like I am sitting around on my tush!!
Then the dreaded email came today about my current BMI and needing it at a particular number by Sunday. I admit I am not at the BMI that this particular RE wants his patients to meet. I am not too far away but I haven't quite met that BMI number. In my heart and mind I want this more than anything and not just for my IP's but for ME. For me to feel better about myself, for me to be more healthy, for me to have my figure back to where it used to be. I am not saying I am hugely grotesque or something but its all about what makes you feel great.
So here it stands that I don't meet the BMI requirement and the sole decision is left to my IP's. I truly feel blessed to have gone this far with them and I wish them the best if they decide to move on. But in the end I will lose the weight and I will meet my goal. It may not be in a week but it will happen in the next few months. I am determined and I have a wonderful support system of family and friends that will make sure I can reach my goals.

Schools Back In

2009-01-20T11:05:00.000-08:00

Wow I am so excited today because school is back in. I never thought I would be that excited but its been rough with four children (15,8,4,16mos) at home. B returned 2 weeks ago but S returned today. She had a whole month off. I think that is wayyyy tooooooo longgggggggg in the Chayrez house. So now I am starting to feel a bit of normalcy again. I literally felt like my head was spinning at times and it was going to explode with all the arguing, screaming, hitting, and teasing going on. Sibling rivalry is tough. But I don't quite know because I was the only spoiled rotten princess. J/K!! I wasn't REALLY that spoiled and rotten.
Moving on~ I cant wait to start the surrogacy process again. We have some plans going on and I cant quite reveal what they are but I hope it all works out in the end. With that little update/vent I am off to clean clean clean. Did I mention I LOVE to clean. That is NO joke!!!

Boring Day

2009-01-15T22:11:00.001-08:00

So today was one of those days where I didn't feel like doing much of ANYTHING!! but let me start with yesterday.
I packed I and S clothes in the car because they were going to go visit grandma R in San Jose until Sunday. We headed out to Livermore to visit grandma B first and then we were meeting at Uncle R house. After a few hours of visiting at each house B and I left I & S with grandma and drove back home. It was a nice evening without screaming children. B went to bed early and our other B was studying for finals. So we enjoyed our evening by watching Criminal Minds. Then this morning the phone rang and my MIL was admitted into the hospital. She hasn't been feeling well but insisted on taking the children. So my husband drove to San Jose early this morning and picked up I & S. I feel really bad for my MIL but we were really looking forward to some peace and quiet for a few days.
So today was just one of those days that no matter what I did it just didn't turn out right or work right. So my hubby was nice enough to let me take a nap. I felt a lot better but still didn't have a lot of motivation. If it wasn't for my hair appointment I probably wouldn't have done much of anything but that motivated me to clean my house and more.
So with that, I had a pretty boring day but got a cute haircut!!!

Can Daddy Buy Me a Brother

2009-01-11T22:13:00.000-08:00

Isn't it so irritating when you have written this long post and then your computer freezes up and you lose that post. Well that's what just happened and it was great. So now I am trying this again but a shorter version of the original post.
Long story short hubby and I had a nice time today. We returned stuff, ate at Red Lobster, and shopped at super Wal-Mart. I know how nice is some of that but (we were officially free from our children for a few hours) and it was a nice break for us. Don't take it wrong but we need our time too and it was enjoyable to eat, laugh, and relax while we were at Red Lobster.
Anyhow, you are probably wondering about the title of my post, can daddy but me a brother. Earlier today I went with my FIL to a friends house. He played with other little boys his age. You see I is in a house full of girls well besides daddy. So this evening as we were about to watch a movie he leaned over to me and said "Mommy can daddy buy me a brother at the store tomorrow?" I thought it was so cute. So I asked my husband if he heard him and he said no. I repeated what he said and my husband responded right away with"Tomorrow I am calling the doctor and making an appointment for a vasectomy." He told him, "I am sorry but I have no money" and I told daddy "but I do its in my piggy bank." My husband then tells him "well we will see I." "Umm we will see, I don't think so." The next baby this mama is having will be for my IP's. Sorry to break it to you son but you will be the only son for a loooooooooooong time!!

2009

2009-01-08T20:55:00.000-08:00

Its been a while since I have posted. Life's been a bit hectic with the holidays, new years, and children at home. Ant and I have been coming and going lately and now life seems to finally be slowing down.
We both made some realistic goals for 2009 and hopefully we will prevail. I have been working out everyday with my hubby and by myself. It actually feels really great to work out. Sometimes its just hard with the children to make time. However, I am determined to reach a goal and I will.
Besides our goals I hope that my IP's will be able to hold a precious baby this year. That would end our year with the best 2009 gift. Stay tuned for updates..

Merry Christmas Eve!!!

2008-12-24T19:17:00.000-08:00

Well I thought I would say Merry Christmas Eve to everyone. I have been nonstop all day long and thought I would rest for a few minutes. Between wrapping presents, preparing and cooking food, and taking care of 4 children I am exhausted. I am also disappointed because I purchased a new cell phone off of E-bay for Bianca and we have been round and round with cell phone companies and the the maker of the phone trying to get it to work. Unfortunately no luck. I feel horrible and now I am off to send the seller a not so nice email.

Well Merry Christmas to all

2008-12-22T22:00:00.000-08:00

So much has been going on the last few days that I haven't had a moment to update my blog. Well to begin with, my beta was negative on Thursday. I had a repeat on Saturday and again it was negative. This was a huge blow to me since I was so sure that this time it would work... We (Ant & I) had no doubts that I would be baking twinkie boys. However, that didn't happen and I have been really sad these past few days. But we the great news is we are moving forward and hopefully will be transferring again in March. I just feel so blessed to continue with my IP's. I will make them parents again..
On a different note, two of my kiddos are sick. Off to the doctors today to get them checked out and then off to the pharmacy this evening for all the meds. Talk about a shocker when I got the retail price for Sky's meds. Thank goodness for great insurance. I couldn't believe how much we saved.
Besides sick kiddos I think I have finally finished my Christmas shopping. Its funny though because it doesn't matter where I go (well to stores) I seem to find something else. I finally had to keep telling myself "No more shopping Darla" and resist putting items into my cart. Sometimes that is really really hard.....

Feeling Blue

2008-12-15T18:51:00.000-08:00

So today I am 7dp5dt. I am still seeing one line. I have only been testing on EPT brands and for the heck of it I tried an EPT digi. Its all coming out the same (not pregnant). I am feeling so sad and bummed out today. My beta is Thursday and I am holding out hope that maybe, just maybe a miracle happens. I am starting to feel like its all me. How can someone have 4 healthy children yet cant achieve IVF. I just don't get it. Well that's my dreaded update. Here's hoping for a big surprise.

2008-12-13T17:14:00.000-08:00

Well today I am 5dp5dt. I was hoping to have some great news to share today but I am only seeing one dreaded line. I know there is still time but its hard not to wonder. If only we could see whats going on inside our bodies to know.

Hopefully tomorrow will bring happier news.

On a side note here is a new picture of my hubby and I before we left home for his Christmas party.

Hangin Out

2008-12-09T17:28:00.000-08:00

Well I don't have much to update. I am just hanging out out in my hotel room with my hubby. I do have to say its nice to have peace and quiet but I am starting to get a little anxious with laying so much. I don't think I have EVER spent this much leisure time on the Internet but thank goodness for laptops and Internet or I would be one CRAZY lady!!
On the other hand tomorrow we will be departing and returning home to our beautiful family. I have to say we are completely blessed to have such big and little stinkers running and screaming around our home. I miss all the holiday decorations, bright lights, and festive music my honey has hooked up outside. I am looking forward to seeing and hearing all of that tomorrow evening.
We also have a special night planned tomorrow evening. Bianca has been selected to chaperon (along with our assistance and driving) an underprivileged child on a shopping spree. She will also be attending a party with her selected child and visiting Santa too. I think its wonderful and perhaps this could also be a bright beginning to a new friendship.
Well enough of my rambling, I seem to do that alot. I am just hoping and praying one out of the three baby boy embies are snuggling in for the winter, spring, and summer.
Hopefully in a few more days we will have some results. Keep checking because the POAS will begin soon.

Wonderful Update

2008-12-08T17:20:00.000-08:00

Okay I have a lot of catching up to do. I have been MIA otherwise know as missing in action. Life has been a little crazy the last few weeks with keeping up on all the meds, to my wonderful hubby working 6-7 days a week, then Thanksgiving and seeing my two older daughters off for a mini vacation, and lastly preparing for our BIG transfer day.
Life couldn't be more wonderful right now. I am lying in bed in my hotel room updating this much needed blog. Its been on my mind for several days but there is always that urgency to do something else (especially with 4 kiddos).
The last week or so we have diligently decorated the inside and outside of our home with beautiful Christmas decorations before we made our trip to the bay area for a few days. Our home is filled with so much spirit, love, and a festive atmosphere. I wanted the children to have this enjoyment while we are away enjoying our mini rest and relaxation.

Last night Anthony and I met with IP's, their parents, daughter, and our wonderful L. We had such an amazing dinner and received the most beautiful and meaningful gifts from Russia. I was beyond amazed at the love and support we received from everyone. We truly felt this has to work for everyone. We laughed and took many wonderful pictures. It felt just perfect knowing that the next day we would all meet up again but this time it would be for our long awaited transfer day.
Fast forward to today~I woke up feeling so relaxed and refreshed. My honey on the other hand felt nervous and couldn't sleep most of the night. He said its a positive sign because its definitely not like him NOT to sleep. We had a real light breakfast and departed our hotel to our final destination Dr. Z's office. We arrived very early but that was fine since I had paperwork to fill out. Not too long after arriving my IP's, their daughter, parents, and L arrived too. We greeted each other and took more pictures. The emotions of nervousness, happiness, and I cant believe its finally happening were amongst us. Finally, the time had arrived. I was escorted downstairs to the surgery center and prepped for the transfer. Everyone well almost everyone (less the grandparents) were in the room while the transfer took place. Tears of joy and excitement streamed down faces, prayers and happy words were spoken, and more pictures and video were taken.
As all of this was happening around me all I could think was everything will work out, everything has been so perfect, and everything is in our favor. Fate brought us together in the beginning and now we are just awaiting the next two weeks to see if this perfect beginning will bless us all. Stay tuned for more updates....

2008-11-16T20:09:00.000-08:00

So this week has been a bit rough. Monday evening I came down with a bad cold. I have felt lousy all week. Then Bella ended up sick too. I am feeling a bit sleep deprived but I am hoping this week is a little brighter.
On a different note~I received an email from an old neighbor that I grew up with in my early middle school years. It was great to hear from her. Hopefully in December we can meet up and have lunch since she has relocated out of state. Tuesday I have my first lab check to see how my levels are. I hope all is well. So far I am doing well on the Lupron. No icky side affects and weight gain. I have actually lost 1.5 lbs. More than likely from being sick and no appetite.
So that's my week in a nutshell. Boring to say the least...

Christmas Shopping Here I Come

2008-11-10T19:37:00.000-08:00

So today was a great day. My FIL came to the house and I went out for the day. I went to Target and was able to get the majority of Christmas shopping completed for the children. I tested transformers, babies, and other toys. Three hours later I left with a cart full of toys, house ware, movies, and clothes.
From there I stopped at my parents to drop off the items. There is no way I could bring all these items home. Talking babies and talking transformers would for sure be found way before Christmas in my home. So today was a productive day of Christmas shopping but shhh don't tell the hubby how much the bill was.

My Last Preggo Picture w/my Baby!!

2008-11-09T22:15:00.000-08:00

This is my last preggo picture with baby Isabella Rose. I sure hope I can add a similar picture in the months to come of me pregnant with my surrobaby/surrobabies. I long for that day to come... For now I will keep this picture up to remind me of how beautiful a pregnant belly is.

Me and My Honey

2008-11-09T22:12:00.000-08:00

Loopy Lupron

2008-11-09T21:31:00.000-08:00

Let the shots begin.... Can I say "I love shots" Well not exactly but if it means one step closer to bringing life into this world than I will be a pin cushion for a little while!!
Tonight I officially started Lupron. Lupron is sometimes known as "Loopy Lupron" because how it can make you feel (icky side affects). I can say with my previous experience while using lupron I did gain extra weight. This time I will be trying hard not to gain that extra weight.
One shot down and many many more to come.....

About Us

2008-11-09T21:05:00.000-08:00

I have thought about posting a blog for a while now and finally decided to start one tonight. First of all let me start by introducing myself. My name is Darla and I am happily married to Anthony for almost seven years. We met in high school many years ago and we have a 15 year old daughter to prove that. We went on to have three more beautiful children. Our children range in age from 15, 8, almost 4, and 14 months. Our oldest and our youngest are exact clones of each other and share the same birthday 14 years apart.

Anthony and I have achieved a lot in our years together and feel completely blessed to have the beautiful children we do. As you can see from the title of my blog "Mom~Wife~Friend~& Surro" that I am describing my life and my passion. I am a mom to four BEAUTIFUL, hyper, stubborn, wild, and crazy children who I would give my life for. I am a wife to a hardworking, sexy, and passionate man who lives each day for his family. I am a friend to many because I will be there in time of need. And I am a proud gestational surrogate helping achieve and create the gift of life. Please follow along my blog as I embark on my surrogacy journey.